Today it is cold like winter, but the sun is shining.
I cleaned out a bit of our cellar. You know procrastinating...
It was good to get some things away I have not used for ages.
Why is it more easy to get rid of old clothes etc than to get rid of old stories?
I visited yesterday a site about "Kriegsenkel" - I am happy there is a space now.
My parents were both refugees as childs and half orphans and I never got it why I was alltimes behaving wrong according to them. Everything I felt or experienced did not matter to them.
I had to behave in the right way to make my parents happy. I had all the possibilies to do everything right - it would just have been great when anybody whould have told me what the script was I had to act after. And hey, how great is it when your parents just love the actress and not you, their child?
Today I get it that they were behaving like this coz of the traumas they got during war and fleeing west. Being a refugee must be hard.
Well, being a child of refugees is hard, too. I had material wealth, got a good education and went to university (hard, ehh). But equal what I did - I was not good enough according to my parents.
And I have to accept that I will never be good enough for my parents.
I can not get rid of the old stories, but I can accept that they happened. I am still angry a lot of my inner child that it had to experience these things. What makes it easier for me is that I am not the only one. A lot of other children of refugees had similar experiences.
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