Freitag, 13. März 2015

Today

Today it is cold like winter, but the sun is shining.

I cleaned out a bit of our cellar. You know procrastinating...
It was good to get some things away I have not used for ages.

Why is it more easy to get rid of old clothes etc than to get rid of old stories?

I visited yesterday a site about "Kriegsenkel" - I am happy there is a space now.
My parents were both refugees as childs and half orphans and I never got it why I was alltimes behaving wrong according to them. Everything I felt or experienced did not matter to them.

I had to behave in the right way to make my parents happy. I had all the possibilies to do everything right - it would just have been great when anybody whould have told me what the script was I had to act after. And hey, how great is it when your parents just love the actress and not you, their child?

Today I get it that they were behaving like this  coz of the traumas they got during war and fleeing west. Being a refugee must be hard.

Well, being a child of refugees is hard, too. I had material wealth, got a good education and went to university (hard, ehh). But equal what I did -  I was not good enough according to my parents.
And I have to accept that I will never be good enough for my parents.

I can not get rid of the old stories, but I can accept that they happened. I am still angry a lot of my inner child that it had to experience these things. What makes it easier for me is that I am not the only one. A lot of other children of refugees had similar experiences.



1 Kommentar:

jabbott hat gesagt…

Sounds like they had hard childhoods. Parents they sometimes set expectations that can be too high for there children, if I have learned anything in life you must be true to yourself and set your own standards and goals. Parents have expectations for there children but are they realistic? Often time no, so you must life the life you have the way you want xxx